It all started nearly some thirty years ago in a dark, cold, basement garage in Portland, Oregon USA. I was in my mid 20s at the time and had already tried various martial disciplines such as boxing, Thai Boxing, Jiu- Jitsu and Lameco/Eskrima but was never really passionate about any of them. They just weren’t what I was searching for at that time in my life. One day, my Sifu suggested I try standing meditation. I reluctantly agreed as I had no reference, no idea what it was about and had never heard of such a thing. He proceeded to show me an uncomfortable standing posture with my palms facing up flat, middle fingers pointing at each other in front of my navel.
The instructions were: “ feet shoulder width, knees slightly bent, elbows out in alignment with my forearms and hands, slightly pushing the elbows out, slightly forward on the balls of the feet and tongue resting lightly on the roof of my mouth, tailbone tucked in, spine long, eyes on the horizon and up 5 degrees” He then directed me to let my thoughts pass through, acknowledge them and then return to center or to present. He then proceeded to leave the room and went upstairs. There I was, standing there for what felt like an eternity. After several minutes my body began to shake, I felt pain in a variety of locations, a small pool of sweat formed at my feet and I began to wonder if he would ever come back? What is this madness? I participated in countless battles with my mind and shifted from focusing on the uncomfortableness of it all to a flicker of determination, to a competitive “I cannot quit” and finally to “will he ever come back?” Eventually, after what felt like an hour he did come back and gave me the news that it had only been fifteen minutes! As uncomfortable as this experience was, it somehow connected with me. I felt a sense of pride for not quitting, for working through the doubt, for winning the battle with my mind, for pushing my body to a place it had not been before.
When I finished the meditation, my body felt warm, stretched, worked but I felt relaxed, almost blissful, sensations I had never experienced. I was somehow more focused, centered, and attentive. From that day on, I continued to practice this standing meditation and other Yiquan meditation postures for at least 20 minutes a day and then eventually at least 30 minutes a day. At some point the shaking went away, the pain lessened and then disappeared, the thoughts became less and less frequent and when they did come, I acknowledged them and went back to focusing on my breath and my posture. Before I knew it, 20 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour had flown by! After several months of practice I noticed that my body was stronger, I had more energy and I was more relaxed. My Tai Chi form, which I also started learning around the same time, became more refined, more connected, stronger, fuller, with structure but relaxed. I could also enjoy being present throughout the entire form without fantasizing about that giant pizza I would be eating later in the evening. Several more months of practicing the Yiquan meditations had passed and I realized that I was really starting to tune in on the small things in everyday life, the energy or mood of others, small micro-expressions, all kinds of details and energies/vibes that I had never noticed. Reading a room at a social event or party became an exercise in navigating through overstimulation and empathy, clues were everywhere and I connected the dots! When I approached my Sifu and asked him how to manage the overwhelming rush of this new reality I was experiencing, his only advice for me at the time was to “stay just above the middle”- a reference to remaining present and impartial, a witness without judgment. An extremely valuable lesson I have carried with me to this day, although in all honesty it took me many years to fully understand the weight and importance of this teaching.
As a musician, I noticed that after a long meditation session, I would often sit down and write new music, music that was not really like me, or my usual style, almost as if I was tapping into something deeper, something more connected. I did not think about it, or plan it or write out a structure, it just came, pure and effortless and natural . Artists often say that they don’t really know who wrote the song or painted the piece, only that they were tapped into or guided by something larger than themselves. For me, meditation has become that tool to tap into this deeper channel of knowledge or as I like to call it the Collective Conscience. I do my best artistic work when I am tapped into this “zone” as well and usually make it a point to meditate before starting any artistic endeavor. When starting from a quiet place of non-thinking and complete openness, things tend to happen naturally in regards to ease of movement and creativity. My internal arts practice certainly blossomed due to also making my meditative practice a priority all those years ago and I am grateful for having taken that leap of faith and to have given it a try.
One of my favorite metaphors about the standing meditative arts is that of a lake filled with many people swimming, playing, stirring up the sand from the bottom. The water is hazy, turbid with poor visibility and it seems “dirty”. Then, slowly as everyone leaves the water, the water starts to become still, with no movement and the sand slowly sinks to the bottom leaving the pure, clean water at the middle and the top. There is now visibility, clarity, color and peace. This is likened to the energy circulating in the body. There is complete relaxation but with structure. As one remains still and quiets the mind, the stagnant, bad energy sinks into the feet and the earth and the pure, clean energy makes its way up into the head, energizing and cleansing the spirit. At this point, one is able to interact with this experience, this place, this source and the benefits from spending more time here cannot be overstated!
The benefits of standing meditation and meditation in general are too numerous to cover in one writeup. This is merely a small but important sample of my journey and how it started. A reflection on certain, memorable moments that I hope will be at the very least- intriguing.
Standing meditation can be hard, but also fun. It takes discipline and daily, ritual practice to see the benefits. Some will say “I cannot possibly stand in that posture for that long, it’s impossible!” Until they do. Until they try. When they realize they can, they just might continue with a daily practice, a fresh start down an unknown path where the destination is most certainly worth seeing.
Jay Arana- Internal Arts Costa del Sol